If Aristotle were alive today, he would not be buying chocolates. He would likely be standing in the town square, denouncing the performative, commercialized spectacle of February 14th as a hollow mockery of true affection. For the ancient Greek philosopher, love was not a feeling to be bought; it was a virtue to be practiced.

In a world obsessed with the "Instagrammable" moment, the Aristotelian view of love—rooted in character, consistency, and mutual betterment—offers a stinging critique of our modern romance industry. Philosophers Janset Özün Çetinkaya and Ian James Kidd from the University of Nottingham argue that our current celebration of Valentine`s Day represents everything Aristotle warned against: the elevation of utility and pleasure over the hard work of virtuous friendship.

The Three Levels of Love

To understand Aristotle’s disdain, one must understand his taxonomy of friendship (*philia*). He categorized relationships into three distinct tiers, only one of which qualifies as "true" love. The first two—friendships of utility (loving someone for what they can do for you) and friendships of pleasure (loving someone because they make you feel good)—are fragile and fleeting. Valentine’s Day, with its transactional exchange of gifts and mandated romantic dinners, falls squarely into these lower categories.

The highest form, "virtuous friendship," is rare. It requires loving the other person for their own sake, not for what they provide. It is a slow-burning, enduring bond between two people of good character who help each other become better human beings. This kind of love cannot be compressed into a single day of red roses and heart-shaped boxes.

Aristotle’s Five Principles for Real Love

If we strip away the commercial veneer, Aristotle offers a rigorous five-step framework for building relationships that actually last. These principles serve as a counter-cultural manifesto for modern dating:

• Character Over Chemistry: Do not fall for the flash of passion. Look for the substance of the soul. A virtuous partner is more valuable than a charming one.
• Time is the Test: "One swallow does not make a summer." True love requires the test of time. A relationship built in a week is a sandcastle; one built over years is a fortress.
• Reciprocity of Good Will: You must wish good for your partner for *their* sake, not yours. If your love depends on how they make *you* feel, it is merely disguised selfishness.
• Shared Virtue: The best relationships are those where partners act as mirrors to each other’s conscience, holding each other to high ethical standards.
• Living Together: Not just cohabitation, but "sharing life." True friends share thoughts, arguments, and the mundane reality of existence, not just high-stakes romantic dates.

The Verdict on February 14th

Aristotle would argue that Valentine’s Day encourages us to fake virtue. It substitutes the difficult, daily practice of love with a convenient, store-bought symbol. It allows us to neglect our partners for 364 days, only to offer a bribe of affection on the 365th.

“We are what we repeatedly do,” Aristotle famously said. Love, therefore, is not an act, but a habit. It is found in the Tuesday morning coffee, the patient listening during a crisis, and the quiet support of a partner’s dreams. So, this year, perhaps the most romantic thing you can do is ignore the florist and instead engage in a deep, honest conversation about who you are becoming together.