If you were hoping for a deep dive into the psyche of America’s most enigmatic First Lady, look away now. The new documentary "Melania," directed by Brett Ratner and bankrolled by Amazon MGM, has landed in theaters with a thud, widely panned by critics as a vacuous, "gilded trash" exercise in propaganda that reveals absolutely nothing about its subject.

The film, which chronicles the 20 days leading up to Donald Trump’s second inauguration in January 2025, plays less like a documentary and more like a high-budget reality TV special. Critics have savaged it for its "Post-it note depth," with The Guardian comparing it to a "button-eyed Cinderella pointing at gold baubles" while democracy burns in the background.

Style Over Substance

The documentary is obsessed with the superficial. We see Melania fretting over the fit of her inaugural coat ("tighten it at the hips"), selecting caviar served in golden eggs, and demanding a bigger bed for her son Barron. It is a parade of wealth that feels tone-deaf in a polarized America.

• The Soundtrack of Nothingness: In a bizarre creative choice, the film features Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" as Melania's travel soundtrack—a song about a woman falsely claiming a child is her lover's. It is a fittingly shallow anthem for a film that refuses to engage with reality.
• The "Protection Racket": New York Magazine’s critique was scathing, calling the film a "protection racket" for the rich. It suggests that Amazon’s involvement is less about art and more about currying favor with the incoming Trump administration. It is a $40 million corporate bribe disguised as cinema.

A Missed Opportunity

There are fleeting moments where a real human being threatens to emerge—such as when she questions the safety of the inauguration parade—but these are quickly smothered by more shots of chandeliers and private jets. Melania claims she wants to "modernize" the role of First Lady, but this documentary does the opposite; it reduces her to a silent mannequin in a glass box.

Ultimately, "Melania" is a film for no one. It is too boring for the MAGA base and too vapid for the critics. It stands as a shiny, hollow monument to an era where image is everything and truth is an inconvenience.