The Two-Faced Epidemic

To friends, neighbours, and colleagues, he is the model husband—charming, generous, and attentive. But behind the closed doors of their Nairobi home, he becomes a different person: controlling, hostile, and emotionally abusive. This distressing reality, echoed in a recent plea to a local daily, is not an isolated incident but a sign of a widespread and insidious form of domestic violence in Kenya. On Wednesday, 19 November 2025, at 6:00 AM EAT, this issue remains a critical challenge for many families. Experts in psychology and victim advocacy confirm that abusers who maintain a charismatic public façade are common, making it incredibly difficult for victims to be believed and to seek help.

The Psychology of the Public-Private Abuser

This "Jekyll and Hyde" behaviour is a calculated strategy of manipulation and control. Psychologists often link this pattern to narcissistic personality traits, where the abuser's public charm is a performance designed to gather admiration and build a credible defence against any future accusations. This public persona serves as a powerful gaslighting tool, causing victims to doubt their own reality and isolating them from support systems who cannot see past the abuser's benevolent mask. The abuser's private behaviour—characterised by emotional abuse, verbal attacks, intimidation, and manipulation—aims to systematically erode the victim's self-esteem and create dependency. This form of psychological abuse, while leaving no physical scars, has profound and lasting effects on a victim's mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and trauma.

The Scale of Gender-Based Violence in Kenya

While specific statistics on psychological abuse are scarce, data on gender-based violence (GBV) in Kenya paints a grim picture. According to the Gender Violence Recovery Centre (GVRC), one in three Kenyan women has experienced sexual violence before the age of 18. Furthermore, data from the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics' Demographic and Health Survey released on July 3, 2023, indicated that 34% of ever-married women have experienced physical violence from an intimate partner. Femicide is also a growing crisis, with Femicide Count Kenya reporting 152 such murders in 2023 alone. These statistics highlight a pervasive culture of violence that often begins with emotional and psychological abuse. Nairobi County consistently records high numbers of SGBV cases, underscoring the urgency of the problem in urban centres.

Legal Protection and Its Practical Challenges

Kenya took a significant step forward with the enactment of the Protection Against Domestic Violence Act in 2015. This legislation is historic as it specifically addresses violence within the family and broadens the definition of domestic violence to include emotional, psychological, and economic abuse, as well as stalking and harassment. The Act provides for protection orders and empowers any person to report abuse on behalf of a victim. However, implementation remains a major hurdle. Proving psychological abuse in court is notoriously difficult due to the lack of physical evidence. Many victims face scepticism from law enforcement, with reports of police officers encouraging reconciliation at home rather than pursuing legal action. The Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA-Kenya) has repeatedly cited victim-blaming and slow investigations by security agencies as significant barriers to justice for victims of intimate partner violence.

Cultural Silence and The Way Forward

The problem is compounded by cultural factors that promote silence. The societal pressure to maintain a perfect family image, coupled with the stigma of being a victim, prevents many from speaking out. Economic dependence on the abuser further traps victims in a cycle of violence. For male victims, the shame and humiliation associated with reporting abuse by a partner often leads to silent suffering. Addressing this crisis requires a multi-faceted approach. There is an urgent need for public awareness campaigns to educate Kenyans on the nature of psychological abuse and to dismantle the cultural norms that enable it. Law enforcement and judicial officers require continuous training on the sensitive and complex nature of these cases to ensure the Protection Against Domestic Violence Act is effectively implemented. For those trapped in such relationships, help is available. Organizations like the Gender Violence Recovery Centre at the Nairobi Women's Hospital and FIDA-Kenya provide crucial medical, psychosocial, and legal support for survivors of gender-based violence. Breaking the cycle begins with breaking the silence.