Hadiza Isma El-Rufai, the outspoken wife of former Kaduna State Governor Nasir El-Rufai, has ignited a national conversation on marital expectations and cultural realities. In a candid revelation that has set social media abuzz, she disclosed that her entry into a polygamous union was "not by choice initially," shattering the assumption that the arrangement was part of their original marital pact.

The disclosure, made via her official X (formerly Twitter) handle, offers a rare, unguarded glimpse into the private life of one of Nigeria’s most prominent political families. Hadiza, a novelist and architect, admitted that while her husband came from a polygamous background, she had envisioned a monogamous future—a dream that was unilaterally altered by her husband’s decision to take additional wives.

"It Was My Husband's Choice, Not Mine"

Reacting to a heated online debate regarding polygamy in Northern Nigeria, the former First Lady of Kaduna State did not mince words. "When we agreed to get married, I envisioned a monogamous marriage, even though the subject was never discussed," she wrote. Her statement strikes at the heart of a silent struggle faced by many women in conservative societies where cultural norms often override personal expectations.

She further clarified the dynamics of the transition, stating, "Now I find myself in a polygamous marriage, 'not by choice initially,' because the transformation of our marriage from a monogamous one to a polygamous one was my husband's choice and not mine." This distinction—between initial consent and subsequent acceptance—highlights the complex agency of women in elite political circles.

The Power of "Subsequent Choice"

However, Hadiza was quick to reclaim her agency. She emphasized that her continued presence in the marriage is a testament to her own volition, not helplessness. "I say 'subsequently by choice' because deciding to remain in the marriage was my choice and nobody else's," she asserted. [...](asc_slot://start-slot-1)She referenced the Islamic legal concept of Khulk, which allows a woman to divorce her husband by returning the dowry, noting that she had the option to leave but chose to stay.

• The Context: Nasir El-Rufai, a polarizing yet transformative figure in Nigerian politics, later married Asia Ahmad El-Rufai and Aisha Ummi Garba El-Rufai, expanding the family structure.
• The Reaction: Her comments have drawn mixed reactions, with feminists praising her honesty and traditionalists questioning the public nature of the disclosure.
• The Legacy: As a writer, Hadiza has often explored themes of female autonomy; this personal admission adds a layer of authenticity to her literary voice.

A Monogamous Upbringing

Hadiza's perspective is deeply rooted in her own upbringing. She revealed that she was raised in a monogamous home, which shaped her initial expectations of marriage. The clash between her background and her marital reality serves as a microcosm of the broader cultural shifts occurring in modern Nigeria, where traditional practices collide with evolving individual aspirations.

In a society where the domestic lives of public figures are often shrouded in secrecy or curated perfection, Hadiza Isma El-Rufai’s admission is a radical act of transparency. It forces a reckoning with the silent compromises women make and the strength required to own those choices in the public eye.